To the woman
If you can’t reach orgasm during any form of stimulation, particularly if you have never achieved orgasm, then the first thing you need to do is work out what’s causing the problem.
There are very few medical reasons why a woman can’t reach orgasm but if you have a diagnosed neurological, vascular or hormone problem, then check with your doctor. The problem could be a side effect of medication and very occasionally pelvic surgery can cause nerve damage and loss of sensation.
The most common physical cause is a lack of adequate stimulation. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. The second most common factor is tiredness or general illness. Our bodies need to be in general good health in order to enjoy sex.
Many women experience a range of psychological problems that make orgasm elusive. The most common is known as “spectatoring”. When an orgasm seems to be taking for ever, many women detach from what’s happening and become orgasm watchers. Anxiety increases and rather than enjoying the moment, they’re getting increasingly impatient with themselves.
Another thing that affects female orgasm is stress. If she is stressed and thinks of problems, sex will not work. Relationship problems are also a major contributor to sexual dissatisfaction. If there is unresolved tension with your partner, then your physical relationship will inevitably suffer.
Sexual Make-up of Women
Some women are easily distracted from what’s going on, worrying about things to be done or worrying about how their body looks to their partner. Negative sexual messages from the past can leave a woman feeling uncomfortable about being sexually aroused or fearful of losing control.
A word to men
Making love is a slow process for a woman and you may have to start many hours in advance, by fondness, and attention from the man she loves. Women need a much longer foreplay than men. Start by whispering sweet words in her ear and fondling her all over her body, but not in the genital area. Be sensitive, all the time, to what she likes and what she wants to hear.
When orgasm is not forth-coming:
Women can enjoy sex even if they do not get an orgasm. They enjoy the nearness and intimacy, the fondling and the feeling of love and desire. A request from the man that she must have an orgasm can be a problem for the woman. In spite of this, her husband should try to learn to satisfy her. A woman who has never had an orgasm may be able to learn this by practice. Her chances of succeeding are higher if she has a partner who is responsive to her needs.